My wife and I were visiting the Railroad Museum in New Delhi.
It was a Tuesday afternoon, our last day in India.
Among the few visitors, we noted a young couple, with three children, two boys and a little girl, all under ten years of age.
As we were watching the exhibits,– a monument to the British era of India, during which time the Indian railroad system was built, — the mother of those kids, a bit shyly, approached us and asked what was the secret of our happy marriage?
How did she know that our marriage was happy? What signals were we telegraphing that prompted her to ask?
We were a bit surprised, and my first answer was that we believe in the same value system, and therefore, to all major questions of life we respond similarly.
My wife and I continued by telling her the importance of love, mutual respect, mutual admiration and love of family.
As she listened carefully, I came to realize that although I have touched on the major concepts on which a good marriage is built, there are many more things necessary to maintain it over long periods of time. The following is an incomplete list of those little attentions that act as the glue to hold an already good marriage together:
– you are not always right
– listen carefully; sometimes listening is enough, there is not always a need to express your opinion
– saying “yes, my love” has magical powers
– marriage is not an institute of reeducation (I learned this from our dear friends, Joska and Erika, long time ago)
– your spouse is your best friend, but is not your parent: don’t expect her to behave as a parent and don’t behave as a child
– holding hands reinforces kind, unspoken words
– you don’t have to and can’t always agree. It is all right to have different opinions on some subjects, to enjoy different music or movies, and it is necessary to be supportive of those differences.
– be patient
– don’t speak when you are upset, angry or in a bad mood. Wait until you calm down and see the same things in a new light.
– trust each other unconditionally
– good communications, no secrets, always say what you mean
– ask questions
– be open to accept opinions different than yours
-be open to learn
– be open to try new things
– if something hurts, say “ouch”
– don’t hold things in
– be genuinely interested in each other’s occupations, hobbies, interests and sorrows
– laugh every day, together
– praise and cherish each other
– another magic word: “I understand.”
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